would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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