I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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