I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
