Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why do cheetos always look like penises
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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