1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
