His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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