just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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