I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
