I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
