i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
