oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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