i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You need Xanax blowdarts
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
