he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All the doctor said was why
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