i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
