I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
