I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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