Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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