life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
