when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is Oprah even human
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
