He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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