Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
