i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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