And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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