I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want a musical about memes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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