Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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