when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
