I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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