Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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