R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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