3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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