I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
