Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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