that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Everything about him screamed your future.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
