you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
