yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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