Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
