READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
