I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
