singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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