..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
