just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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