She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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