Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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