he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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