READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
