I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
