How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
