Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
