Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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