i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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